I take too many taxis. What can I say? They are convenient, and I am fat and lazy. In an ideal Philippines I could rely on a comfortable, quiet, and undeadly mass transportation system. In this real one that we live in, whenever I have to go somewhere that isn’t walking distance (and let’s be honest, even some places that are), I flag down a cab and end up contributing to traffic and pollution while at the same time subjecting myself to the sonic atrocities of whatever radio station the driver happens to be tuned in to.
Understand that I am someone with a high tolerance for cheesy songs. I used to own the Zapped soundtrack (yes, the one with those prom-worthy David Pomeranz numbers). I can sing along spiritedly to “Afternoon Delight” by the Starland Vocal Band. I think that “The Final Countdown” by Europe is awesome. Starship’s “We Built This City” makes me grin like a clown on nitrous oxide. Even Air Supply songs are tolerable if you imagine Freddy Mercury singing them instead (try it sometime). But there’s some music that just makes me want to smash my head through the windshield.

5. “25 Minutes,” Michael Learns to Rock. Never has a band name been more inaccurate. This band does not rock. They do not roll. They just suck.

4. “My Heart Will Go On,” Celine Dion + “The Greatest Love of All,” Whitney Houston. And we have a tie. Two equally insufferable and ubiquitous show-stoppers that lead me to believe that love is a delusion and that humanity is not worth saving.

3. “Careless Whisper.” Any version, especially recent remakes. Even ironic rock covers have lost their charm. Let’s give it a rest, people.

2. Anything by the Vengaboys. They’re not around any more, are they? Because if they’re not dead yet, then I have a new purpose in life: to hunt them down and make sure they never record again.

1. Pinoy Novelty Crap. Honestly, this list could just be completely populated by songs about bananas or spaghetti or jumbo hotdogs sung by half-naked idiots or game show hosts or supposed public servants. You know the crap I’m talking about — it’s inescapable. A parade of musical shame that should just march endlessly off a cliff forever.

- Luis Katigbak